Cocking a Snook

Posted on December 21, 2009 by


The Smug snake, and the band that wiped the smile off his face.

For the last five years, the number 1 single in the charts at Christmas has been vomited out by the X-factory. A never ending production line of mediocre manufactured morons, as opposed to the quirky, interesting tunes you used to get for the festive season, as evil overlord Simon Cowell sits and rakes in the profits, confident that he has a job for life parading increasingly awful ‘acts’ (Like a circus, although freak-show might be a better term) who get their fifteen minutes of Warhol-certified fame before vanishing back into the faceless tides of total obscurity.

Not so this year. Thanks to the efforts of Essex rock fan Jon Morter, Joe McElderry wont be taking the coveted number 1 spot that only a few weeks ago he was almost certainly guaranteed. McElderrys hateful whingy effort ‘The Climb’, which is a cover of a song by US Tweenie pop princess Miley Cirus, (better known by her Nom de Vox Hannah Montanna) was uterly and thoroughly defeated by A song called ‘Killing in the name’ by a group of Californian rockers called Rage Against The Machine. I couldn’t think of a more aptly fitting name. RATM getting the No. 1 is a hilarious, righteous and ingenious coup against the machine of the X-Factor. Yes, Simon Cowell owns the rights to Killing in the Name, but you probably can’t buy a packet of biscuits without that slimy ‘talent’ vampire making a profit, but who cares?

Morter attempted to do this last year, by encouraging people to buy the Rick Astley song Never Gonna Give You Up on Facebook, hoping to knock Alexandra Burke off the charts with her screechy wailing of Hallelujah (Covering the Jeff Buckley version, also known as ‘the good version’) which will now be featured at every chav wedding for the rest of eternity as a result, thus ruining the song for anyone who actually likes music and doesn’t just go out and buy whatever has ‘X-Factor winner’ branded across the CD case. Any sane person should take those words as a warning to flee for safety.

Buoyed by his partial success, Morter upped the pace this year, and started up the Facebook group RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE FOR CHRISTMAS NO.1. The group has close to a million members, at least half of whom must have downloaded the song from places like Amazon (Who were actually selling the song at a loss for most of the last week) as 500,000 copies of the song have been purchased in the last seven days, 50,000 more than The Climb. Thank god.

The group soon found celebrity backing, most notably from Peter Serafinowicz and Charlie Brooker, who urged their many followers to buy the song, thus saving christmas forever.Let’s hope this heralds the end of Cowell’s reign of awful puking mediocrity.

Posted in: Comment, Music, TV