A plot most sinister.

Posted on January 14, 2010 by


You maniacs! You've covered it in snow!

I thought that today, we- that is to say, you and I, dear reader -might have a little chatette regarding something I’m quite sure you’ll have noticed lately. I am of course referring obliquely, to the hate and vast quantities of snow that have so recently descended upon our once green and verdant land. It’s appearance has been a most vexing concern to me of late, and has disrupted business in no uncertain fashion. Up with this; I will not put.

We’re told by the Met Office, (whom I suspect to be behind this whole, eldritch happening) that this is the worst snowfall to accost our fair island nation since the hazy days of 1968 (One wonders if they are mistaking cold fluffy snow for the more… egregious ‘snows’ of their intransigent youth). This strikes me as deeply suspicious for several reasons, to whit- everyone I’ve interrogated who has a reasonable claim to have not only been around in 1968, but sober enough at the time to remember it, doesn’t remember any snow. Secondly, because records are never what you’d call stringent, and we all know old people exaggerate things. And thirdly, because this is all part of some greater, far more bothersome overreaching grand plan.

These so-called Weather ‘people’, for it is even more now than ever an equal-oppertunities evil organisation, gripped, as it is by the an overwhelming hunger for more screen time at the end of the news, have constructed an enormous weather controlling device, whose very properties are probably occult and devious in their very core being, in order to bring the country to its knees, to cripple it, starve it of gritting materials, and prevent my post from arriving. Unhappy with the meagre few minutes they are allotted at the end of news segments (Due, I suspect to some dark understanding of the people in charge that they require the time to feed on the collective worrying of the nation, but that to give them too much time could result in Armageddon itself), they plotted and planned and communed with devils to blanket the nation in snow, and have their dominion over the airwaves once and for all…

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